can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize