woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
