Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
