ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
