next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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