omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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