He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
