I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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