you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
