In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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