Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
