I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
