there's paper in my vomit.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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