Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I wear drunk well.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
