this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
