at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
