she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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