Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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