We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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