I want to walk on stilts...naked
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
