We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
