Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
pop tarts are not kleenex
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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