At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize