What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i will never coherently bang her
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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