bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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