Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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