She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
