I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
