you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
