mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
