Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
