Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
