Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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