Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
