Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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