Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
