Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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