So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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