This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
