I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize