Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
