I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
