I am in a vortex of obligation.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
