Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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