how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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