I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
