Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
