I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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