If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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