Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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