She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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