dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
