We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
