Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
