My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
