My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
