I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
