when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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