Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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