Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
