Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
