I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize