I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
