Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
