So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Boobs speak an international language.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
