No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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