The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
