I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize