This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
