turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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