if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
